"This wouldn't happen in Cambridge, would it?"

Yesterday morning the WK and I went to Cafe Duvshaneet, so that I could get my natool before going to Coop Shop (that's what it is called in Hebrew, too) to get a few things for Shabbat dinner. On the way back from Coop Shop, Pentheus called me on the cell phone. Olamit (the mother of Gideon, the boys' friend from the Moshava Park) had called Pentheus a few minutes earlier to invite both our boys to "the North" for the weekend. Her husband's family lives in Kfar Keesh, which is between Afula and Tiberias, about  2 1/2 hours away.

Both boys really wanted to go. CK was particularly excited, even though he's only been away from us for that long once or twice, and at those times, the boys stayed with their aunt and uncle whom they see all the time. Pentheus and I talked to the boys and then to each other, and we couldn't think of a reason why they shouldn't go. I called Olamit, who was pleased the boys would be joining them in the North and asked that the boys come to her house as soon as possible. So, Pentheus walked with the boys to Olamit's house. When Pentheus returned to our dira, I commented to him that this wouldn't happen in Cambridge. I don't know that we would let the boys go away for 2 days with a family whom we had met once. Pentheus laughed because apparently when he left the boys at Olamit's, Olamit had commented how, "This wouldn't happen in Cambridge, would it?"  When I told my Dad about Olamit's invitation, he asked how long Pentheus and I had to think about our answer - a second or a millisecond?! The boys are gone until early Sunday afternoon.

At any rate, Pentheus and I are alone in Jerusalem this weekend! We've been having a good weekend. Yesterday, we met Rafaela (Rafi), our tour guide's daughter, who is going to be the boys' Hebrew tutor. Rafi seems great. She has tutored before and came to the meeting with some sample books that she thought she might use with the boys. Rafi has great ideas about how to make learning fun, and we're very excited for her to start. Her first couple of lessons are this Tuesday morning and next Sunday morning. After the boys are back in school after Sukkot ends, we hope that Cheli will allow Rafi to tutor the boys for an hour a couple of times a week at the Szold School.

I tentatively hired a guitar teacher for the CK. The teacher, named Orr, seems like a nice man. Orr has never taught someone as young as the CK, but we're going to have an initial meeting/lesson in a couple of weeks to see how it goes. We didn't bring a guitar to Israel for the CK to use, but Orr has one that the CK can use. I hope it goes well. It would be great for the CK to have guitar lessons again; he needs something to look forward to doing.

(OK, as I was typing, I looked up at the TV. WVU is beating Baylor in football with a score of 70-56, and Baylor is about to score with 3+ minutes left in regulation. 70-56? Seems pretty high of a score, doesn't it? Oh, Baylor scored - 70-63. Even the announcer just asked whether they were playing basketball or football. The QB had 8 TDs and no interceptions. Wow.)

News Flash: it's raining! It's the first time it has rained in Jerusalem since we arrived in early August. When Pentheus and I were walking to dinner (taking advantage of the boys being up North!), we thought we saw lightening a few times. And, now it's raining! It stopped after about 10 minutes, and then rained again for a few. Hopefully, the rain will cool things off a bit. It has been in the mid 90's again all week.

Anyway, after we met with Rafi, we  walked on the Emek for a bit and then went to look for a lulav and etrog for the holiday of Sukkot. (http://www.myjewishlearning.com/holidays/Jewish_Holidays/Sukkot/Sukkot_101.shtml) Pentheus and the boys had begun to build our sukkah on Thursday, and most of it has been completed. Sukkot starts at sundown tomorrow night (Sunday) and lasts 7 days. (It is followed by the Jewish holidays of Shmini Atzeret and Simchat Torah, but I will write about those in next week's blog postings.) We've been invited to Rabbi Pear's (Shir Chadash's Rabbi, whom I like very much) for the holiday meal tomorrow night. I assume we'll go to services on Monday, and then we're having dinner in the sukkah on Monday night.

We've built a sukkah in Cambridge for the past few years (thanks L&B!), but it's unbelievable how beautiful, intricate and big the sukkahs are around here. Almost immediately after Yom Kippur, and many times, even before, people start building their sukkahs. On the main streets, there are multiple tables with people selling wholesale lulav and etrog, plus other sukkah materials. Everyone seems to have a sukkah, even the restaurants, including Roza, where Pentheus and I had dinner tonight:

More on Sukkot as the holiday begins.... 

Whole Bunch of Unrelated Things

There have been a whole bunch of unrelated things that I have wanted to share in this blog, but I haven't had the time. Though it's getting late, and I am exhausted from Yom Kippur and the fast, I am going to try to write some of them out.

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote how a woman we had met at M'vahkshei Derech offered us the information on her house cleaner as her "contribution" to our decision to come to Israel for 5 months. We've used her house cleaner, a man named "Raz", several times and he does a fairly good job. (FYI, we pay Raz 130 shekels/cleaning ($35) - he probably cleans for about 2 hours.) Raz was last here Sept 12 before Rosh Hashanah, and we had been trying to figure out a time for Raz to come again. We wanted Raz to clean before Sukkot (which begins Sunday night) mainly because my Dad arrives to visit the day after, but Raz was confused about the schedule of Jewish holidays; he kept saying there were only 2-3 days between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, when there is actually a bit more than a week. I called Raz this past Sunday to see if there were a time he could come this week. We made arrangements for Raz to come yesterday (the day before Yom Kippur) at 9 am. Just before 9, though, Raz called to say he couldn't make it because of some roads were closed because of Yom Kippur and could he please come on Thursday instead. After I hung up from speaking to Raz, I asked Pentheus if he thought it was strange that Raz couldn't come. Pentheus said he wasn't surprised at all that Raz couldn't make it, especially because Raz likely lived in East Jerusalem (the Arab part) and the roads to the rest of Jerusalem were closed for the holiday. I was kind of stunned - it had honestly never dawned on me that Raz was an Arab. Now that I know, of course, it makes sense; that's why Raz had the Jewish holidays confused - they aren't his holidays. I'm usually pretty good at things like that, but I just didn't get it. I don't know if that makes me naive or self-centered or something else.

I might have found an Ulpan! Or, more correctly, an Ulpan might have found me. The woman who had initially told me about the Ulpan at the matnas in Ba'aka had continued looking for an Ulpan with no success. So, she hired a Hebrew teacher and created the class! The Ulpan starts 30 Oct and runs through the middle of March. We'll meet twice a week (Sunday and Tuesday mornings, 9-10:30). The class is limited to 9 women, and the emphasis will be on conversational Hebrew and listening to the radio (as opposed to reading and writing). The class will be geared to level "daled-hei" which is level 4-5. I don't really know what level "daled-hei" means in terms of where my Hebrew is, but I'm planning to attend and to find out. I asked whether I could join only until the end of December and was told I could - we are going to hope we find a replacement for me starting January. I am very excited about the Ulpan. Not only do I really want to be working on my Hebrew, but I love the idea of being in class with other women.

I am still trying to find volunteer opportunities to fill my time. I spoke to Cheli, the principal of the boys' school, and she promised we would get together after vacation ends to talk about what I might be able to do. I am willing to do most things, as long as I am with others and can use my Hebrew to some extent. The Szold School has talked about my working individually with students learning English, and I would be okay with that. I really want to do something, and I would love for it to be at the boys' school.

Although the boys are learning some Hebrew at school, and certainly they are exposed to Hebrew a lot, we wish they were learning and speaking more, so we are hiring a Hebrew tutor. Ideally, it would be great if they could get the Hebrew tutoring during the school day, when they are not otherwise participating in their classes. (We don't want the boys to be at school 8-2:20 and then have another couple of hours of Hebrew class. That just doesn't sound like much fun.) I talked to Cheli about it, and she thinks we can make arrangements for someone to come to the school for the boys. We have a great lead for a potential tutor - it's the 18-year old daughter of the private tour guide we are using when my Dad and sister come to Israel next month. Apparently, our guide's daughter starts the Israeli army in mid-December and is looking for things to do for the next couple of months. I've contacted her, and we are going to meet at Aroma on Friday to see if we can work something out.

You know how Time magazine does its Person of the Year in January? Well, the Jerusalem Post does its Person of the Year at Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish new year. This year's Person of the Year is Mohamed Morsy, the President of Egypt. Per the Jerusalem Post, President Morsy, an American-schooled engineering professor who led the Muslim Brotherhood parliamentary bloc from 2000-2005, is an Islamist resentful of Western civilization and is out to hammer at the Camp David Accords. But, the Post notes, even if Israel doesn't particularly like Morsy, he is now Israel's next-door neighbor, and will have to deal with issues such as Cairo's control over the Sinai, Egypt's lack of natural resources (i.e., an inability to use a resource such as oil as a tool in its foreign policy actions), a largely poor and illiterate people (1 of every 2 Egyptians can read and half of the country lives off of less than $2/day), and other complex issues.

Oh, I haven't written much about it yet because it's been bumming me out, but so far the "re-do" hasn't worked so well. The boys' behavior, especially that of the CK, has been atrocious - fighting, screaming and throwing fits about everything; disrespectful to us and to each other; refusing to go to bed or to do something we have asked them to do; etc. You get the picture. It's been pretty much like that all week, and started pretty much a day or two after the family meeting. In the context of Yom Kippur, we've talked about trying to do better and taking responsibility for our actions. To be honest, we're not sure what we are going to do about it. The boys have school vacation for 2 weeks and then we're traveling around Israel with my Dad and sister for a few days. There isn't going to be much of a routine for them to fall into until the latter part of October, which is still several weeks away. We can't punish them by not going to Masada or to travel in the North, but we also can't have every day be an exhausting battle of wills.

So as not to end on a bad note, I can tell you one of our favorite things about Israel:

That's right - kosher gummi candy, lots and lots of it! In the States, most gummi candies contain unkosher gelatin, but not in Israel. We often buy gummi candies in bulk, usually at Machaneh Yehudah, the outdoor market, where gummi candy is 28 shekels/kilogram. The boys' favorites are the gummi worms and bananas, the cola-flavored gummies and the sour gummi strips. I get creeped out by the gummi snakes(see bottom middle part of the photo), and refuse either to buy them or let the boys buy them. I have to have some control, right?!

Yom Kippur in Yerushalayim

About an hour and a half ago, we broke the Yom Kippur fast. It was the first Yom Kippur I have spent in Jerusalem, and I am so glad I was here. It was like nothing else I have seen.

People started getting ready for the holiday earlier this week. Monday was the last day of school until after the holidays of Sukkot, Shmini Atzeret and Simchat Torah - no school until Wednesday October 10 (G-d help us). The Emek was almost empty on Tuesday, as most of the stores were closed or operating with reduced hours. That is, almost empty except for the swamp of people in the bagel shops, presumably getting food for break fast. Holy Bagel had run out of bagels by 12:15 and closed earlier than expected. Tal Bagels was open until 1 pm, and I think the entire city of Jerusalem was in there. The bagels are excellent, but I was really angry at the prices Tal Bagel charges. (We got 4 plain bagels, a small container of tuna fish, and a small container of plain cream cheese. Our total was 86 shekels - that's close to $22! Each container was over $10 - they should be ashamed of themselves for charging that. If there had been time, and if there weren't 100 people shouting out their orders at the same time, I would have returned the food. Okay, Pentheus keeps telling me I should "let it go" but it makes me so angry.)

We had a low-key family dinner of panko chicken, rice, green beans and juice. We had been to 2 or 3 stores to look for chicken on the bone, but the only chicken we could find yesterday was boneless, skinless breasts. I guess the lesson we learned is to buy everything needed for Yom Kippur more than a day early. We started eating around 4 pm because candle lighting was at 4:57.

Although we had been watching the clock to make sure we lit candles on time, we needn't have. A long siren sounds in Jerusalem to let everyone in the city know that Yom Kippur is starting. Apparently, there is a siren every Friday afternoon to mark the beginning of Shabbat, too, but I had never heard it. This siren we heard.

About 20 minutes later, we walked to Shir Chadash to hear Kol Nidre, the prayer that begins Yom Kippur. (http://www.jewfaq.org/holiday4.htm) As we walked to shul, it was amazing to see so many other people walking as well. There were absolutely no cars on the roads, and everyone was walking in the middle of the streets. It is traditional to wear white on Yom Kippur and not to wear leather shoes. (I always thought we didn't wear leather on Yom Kippur because leather was a sign of wealth, and on Yom Kippur, we strip ourselves bare of material possessions so as to ask for forgiveness in our "lowest state." I just looked it up, however, and according to Chabad.com, we don't wear leather because it is seen as a "luxury" and something comfortable. The idea is that we should afflict ourselves to demonstrate the extent to which we are remorseful about our past deeds.

When I entered the women's side of the mecheetzah at Shir Chadash, it was almost shocking how much white there was. And, the array of non-leather shoes was almost amusing - lots of Crocs and flip-flops, a few fuzzy slippers and many canvas shoes. (I, of course, didn't have anything white, but I wore a black and white dress, with my white faux Keds.) Kol Nidre hadn't begun yet, and many of the women were talking to other women, hugging them, and asking for forgiveness for any sins committed in the past year. It was touching to watch the interactions, and it's clear the community at Shir Chadash is close.

(That being said, I have remarked to Pentheus several times that I think the men at Shir Chadash are more warm and welcoming than the women are. It's not that the women aren't nice, but very few have introduced themselves to me or asked me if we were new in the congregation. The men have made more of an effort, but maybe that's because Pentheus and the boys have made some friends, and I get introduced to them via the men in my family.)

Services last night were nice. It's always amazing to me to think that Jews all around the world are doing the exact same prayers for Yom Kippur as we are. I mean, technically, all Jewish prayers on all days are the same wherever one is, but on Yom Kippur, it feels particularly poignant. One of the rabbis at Shir Chadash gave a very interesting sermon on Jonah (which we actually read on Yom Kippur afternoon). His sermon discussed the idea that many people think the story of Jonah is about recognizing one can't escape from G-d and how if one repents for his/her sins, he/she can be redeemed. The rabbi's idea was something different. He talked about the lesson from Jonah is to learn compassion for others.The Rabbi argued that if Jonah had felt compassion for the people of Nineveh, then Jonah would have been happy that the people heeded his warning and repented to G-d. Instead, though, Jonah was angry that G-d saved the city of Nineveh after its people repented. Jonah didn't learn the concept of compassion until after the tree/bush he was sitting under died after only one day of life. When the tree/bush died, Jonah was sad and asked G-d why G-d had killed it. G-d, in turn, asked Jonah why he thought G-d should have compassion on a tree/bush that only lived one day and not have compassion for the people of Nineveh who had sinned but also repented for their actions. I'm sure I am not doing the sermon justice, but I thought it was very interesting.

Services today went pretty long - 8 am-2 pm and then 3-6:30. That's a lot of hours! I wasn't there for the entire time, but Pentheus was. I arrived this morning before the Torah service, which is my favorite part. Immediately after the Torah service, there was Yizkor, the memorial service. Many Jews have the custom to leave for the Yizkor service if one has not lost a parent, but, unfortunately, I stay for Yizkor. Rabbi Pear, the main rabbi of Shir Chadash, (he was the one who asked about my Mom at the yarzheit minyan the other day) requested that everyone come back for the end of Yizkor for prayers honoring Israeli soldiers who died defending the State of Israel and honoring Jews who were killed simply for being Jews (e.g., those killed in the Holocaust, terror attacks, etc.) Rabbi Pear also gave a great sermon this morning -  I just tried writing and rewriting a summary of his sermon, but I can't seem to get it right. I'll email the Rabbi and ask for a pdf.

I was home for a couple of hours this afternoon before heading back to synagogue for the Neila service (http://www.chabad.org/holidays/JewishNewYear/template_cdo/aid/5349/jewish/Closing-Services.htm), the closing service of Yom Kippur. Neila was beautiful and moving at Shir Chadash. It's amazing to me that even after fasting 23+ hours, the services were still inspiring to me. When the women were praying, some of them had their eyes closed and held their palms up, beseeching G-d for forgiveness. (The men may have been doing similar things, but I couldn't see any of them, except for the cantor leading the service.) The voices of the community singing in prayer was powerful, and there was such joy and exultation in their prayers.

Services finished around 6:15-ish and two families sponsored a break-fast at the shul. We stayed for a short while and then headed home. We ate our bagels (and extremely overpriced tuna salad and cream cheese) and cleaned up the dishes. Pentheus tried to do some work, the boys watched some "Scooby Doo" videos, and I worked on this blog entry.

Before I go off to bed, please allow me to wish those of you who are still fasting an easy fast and a good year to us all.

Merle Barbara Weiner Wekstein z"l

Today is the 4th anniversary on the Hebrew calendar of my Mom's death. After Mom died, a close friend, whose own mother had died when she was young, told me that, in some way, I would think about Mom every day. My friend was right. I do think about Mom every single day, sometimes more than once. Sometimes my thoughts are happy memories, like picturing Mom on her couch needle pointing or at a great Chinese restaurant in Honolulu with Dad, my brother and me. Other times, I remember something sad, like when Mom first got sick and couldn't hold the then 3-month old WK.  Many times, though, when I think about Mom, it's because something in my life is happening, and I am all too aware that Mom isn't here to share it with me. Like when the CK read for the first time; G-d, Mom would have loved that.

When Mom died, the WK was 6 1/2 years old and the CK was not yet 3 1/2. The WK says he remembers Nana (what Mom's grandchildren called her), and I'm sure he does have some memories of her, and maybe the CK remembers something, too. My guess, though, is that most of what my boys remember about their Nana is from the stories we've told about her, and we've told those stories enough times that they feel like memories to the boys.

When the WK was around 4 years old, we went to Kentucky to visit my parents. The WK asked Nana if they could make brownies together. Mom said it was okay, and the two of them prepared the materials (the Duncan Hines brownie mix, a couple of eggs and some oil). Apparently, when Mom was mixing the batter, some of it splashed out of the mixing bowl and onto the counter. Since that day, one of the WK's strongest memory of his Nana is that she "made messy brownies." Because I like to bake, the story really does get told a lot, and I love that the boys like to hear the story again and again.

If you've been following this blog, you know that the last few weeks haven't been easy for us in Jerusalem. The boys' adjustment has been much rockier than we would have hoped and it's been difficult all around. So anyway, last night after sundown, I lit the yahrzeit candle ("ner neshama" or "soul candle" in Hebrew) for Mom.(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yahrzeit_candle) There isn't really a special blessing that must be said when the candle is lit, and it always feels weird to me to light the candle and then walk away without saying anything. Because yesterday the boys had been especially difficult, after I lit the yarzheit candle, I felt a bit overwhelmed and started to cry. I went to the other room by myself.

After a few minutes, I was ready to come back to the kitchen, but Pentheus and the boys told me I couldn't go in quite yet. A bit later, the boys came in the other room and gave me this:

The boys started to explain the picture they had drawn, but, of course, it needed no explanation, as it could only have been Nana's messy brownies. It was very sweet of the boys and I let them know how much I appreciated it.

In the big picture, so far, I've observed Mom's yahrzeit in a similar manner as I would if we were in the States. I lit the candle last night and after walking the boys to school, Pentheus, and I walked to Shir Chadash, so that I could say Kaddish, the Jewish memorial prayer, for my Mom. (http://www.myjewishlearning.com/life/Life_Events/Death_and_Mourning/Burial_and_Mourning/Kaddish.shtml)

At Shir Chadash, the morning service is held in the sanctuary of the building where Shir Chadash meets, instead of upstairs in the building. (The building actually belongs to another congregation, and Shir Chadash typically can't use the sanctuary on Shabbat.). I hadn't been in the sanctuary before. It is beautiful. There are numerous intricate stained glass windows and the "bima" with the ark holding the Torah scrolls is gorgeous. The mecheetzah (separating the men and the women during prayer) in the sanctuary isn't really even a mecheetzah: at the back of the sanctuary, there is a study room of sorts with a few tables and chairs and some library shelves. I kind of stood in the opening between the sanctuary and the study room. I was the only woman at the minyan. There were probably around 50 men.

I had mentioned to a few of the men that I was at minyan to say Kaddish for my Mom. Alan Lurie (the man at whose home our family had eaten lunch on the second day of Rosh Hashanah - the one with a couple of dogs that gave the CK hives) and another man came over to me a few times during the service to make sure I knew where we were. I am very familiar with the service and could follow along, but it was kind of them to check. Pentheus also came over once or twice to make sure I was okay.

In the morning service, there are parts where the man leading the davening (praying) prays aloud, parts where the leader and congregation pray together, and parts where the congregation prays silently. For the kaddish, however, only the leader and anyone observing a yahrzeit chant the majority of the kaddish prayer, although there are several lines which the entire congregation chants as well. When the rest of the congregation joins in for those few lines, it reminds the mourner that s/he is not alone, that the community is with the mourner to help soften the blow, as it were. There I was in a synagogue in Jerusalem, standing alone in the entrance to the study room (not even in the sanctuary), saying kaddish for Mom, crying softly as I prayed. Every time it seemed too much to take, I heard the other voices of the congregation join me. It's almost impossible to explain the comfort those other voices provided.

After the minyan had finished, a couple of men came over to say hello. I thanked Alan, Aaron and Pentheus for making sure I was okay during the service. When the Rabbi and I were talking, he asked me Mom's name, and, for some reason, that was very powerful to me. The Rabbi didn't need to know her name, he wasn't going to need to announce it to the congregation or put notification of her yarzheit in the weekly email to the congregation. He asked me her name because he knew I was at services this morning to honor her memory. I hope that I can continue to honor Mom's memory and may her memory be for a blessing.

Unless you have known me and my siblings for a long time, the next story might not mean much, but to those of you who know why I am including this story, I promise it honestly happened. After Pentheus and I came home from synagogue, I offered to make coffee for the two of us. I scooped the heaping teaspoon of instant decaf into our mugs and waited for the water to boil. When I went to add milk to my decaf, I took the lid off and smelled the milk, as I do every single time. The milk smelled off to me. I asked Pentheus to smell it, but he thought it was okay. (Pentheus knows better than to say that the milk is "fine.") I poured out the entire half gallon, went to the "makolet" (small grocery store) down the street, and bought new milk.

People don't exactly yell, "Norm!," but still.

In an earlier post, I mentioned that on the first Friday morning after the boys started school, I stopped at Cafe Duvshaneet, a well-known coffee shop on Rachov Palmach (Palmach Street), for some "natool" and a few minutes relaxation outside. On each subsequent Friday morning, once I have left the boys at school I've gone to Cafe Duvshaneet before doing my typical Friday morning errands (e.g., getting food for dinner, finding good challah, and doing some grocery shopping) in that same block on Palmach. I get some "time alone" before taking care of things and Pentheus gets a few uninterrupted hours of work while I am out of the house.

At any rate, it's official, I am a regular! When I entered Duvshaneet yesterday morning and said, "Boker tov" (Good morning), the owner said, "Boker tov" back to me and then said, "Natool gahdol, chalav cham, blee sucar" (large decaf, warm milk, no sugar)! I laughed and said, "Todah" (Thanks).

Here's where I sit:

I had a couple cups of natool (OK, and a cinnamon roll) while I continued reading "Home to Stay." When I motioned to the owner that I was ready to pay the bill, he came over to where I was sitting and told me he appreciated that I came to the cafe every week and that it is always nice to see me. We chatted for a bit about how I was in Israel with my family for a few months and I how I came here Friday mornings after the kids were at school. I told him how honored I was that I am a "regular" and then showed him the pictures of the cafe I was putting in my blog. When he saw the pics, he asked me what size shirt I wore for a Cafe Duvshaneet t-shirt. The t-shirts are for employees only and not for sale, but he wants me to have one as a present. It was very sweet and actually kind of cool. To add to the coolness, I must add that the entire conversation was in Hebrew, which  makes it even cooler!

(By the way, in case you were wondering about the ash tray, I do not smoke. I included the ashtray in the picture though because smoking is very popular in Israel, Almost every restaurant and cafe allow smoking, even though it makes the rest of the place smell disgusting.)

Family meeting and a few other things

(For some reason, spacing is weird for this post. My apologies.)

Remember a couple of weeks ago when the CK and I played Mini Extreme Golf? Remember how on a bunch of the holes, the CK requested a "redo" where we didn't count his first 4-5 strokes on that hole? Well, Wednesday night Pentheus and I talked and decided to "re-do" the first part of our adventure in Israel. We called a "family meeting" for Thursday after school to discuss the "redo" with the boys. We wanted to make it clear that we're here until the end of December and that we need to find a way, as a family, to make this work better than it has so far. We can't keep having days like we've had lately (hurt thumbs and hives aside!). We wanted to discuss as a family because we're all in this together. We told the boys first thing Thursday morning that both Pentheus and I would be picking them up from school to go out to lunch for the meeting.

After the announcement about the family meeting, the CK restated his feelings about going to school. Suffice it to say that his feelings haven't changed! He cried and refused to go. He said his bandage looked stupid and that we couldn't make him go to school. It was Thursday, so his teacher wasn't there, and it was a "long" day. Pentheus volunteered to walk the boys by himself in the hopes that the CK wouldn't be so clingy if I weren't around. (Besides, my cold has now turned into a cough, and I only slept a few hours Wednesday night because of it. I was too wiped to walk them.)

So, Pentheus and I picked the boys up from school and we headed to the Emek for lunch at Masaryk, an Italian place we like. (http://www.gojerusalem.com/discover/item_446/Masaryk) After we ordered, Pentheus and I started talking about why we had called this meeting. We pretty much laid it out there. We talked about expectations (what the boys expect from us and what we expect from them), what has worked over the past 6 weeks and what hasn't, etc. We talked about how they need to go to school, to listen to us, to do less complaining and whining, and when we're all in the house together, to let Pentheus get some work done. We also told them that we had canceled all existing punishments - the slate is clean for the "re-do" (a few days early for Yom Kipuur). The boys were psyched about the reprieve! We did what we could to solicit the boys' opinions and they truly contributed to the conversation.

FYI (and I swear I am not making this up) the boys' primary requests/expectations are that 1) we not yell unless it is absolutely necessary; 2) we let them go to the park by themselves, including straight from school; 3) we pull them out of school some days to take family trips around Israel; and 4) that I not sing out loud in public (although it's OK for me to sing out loud inside the dira).

We talked about doing more things in Jerusalem after school during the week. Most likely, it would just be the boys and I doing things (e.g., zoo, museums, historical stuff, etc.), and we'll miss Pentheus a lot, but it will still be great. The more we can get to know the city, the better! We also discussed my calling Sammy (the tutor/tour guide who left for the States for a month shortly after we arrived in Jerusalem) to set up some Hebrew tutoring in a fun way. We really did talk a lot, although I have to admit, at many points, the boys were much more interested in the Sprite with lemon that we had ordered for them...

We took notes on what everyone said and what we, in theory, have agreed to do. Pentheus is going to write up the notes I took at the meeting, and we're all going to sign the paper to make it "official." We're hoping this works, or at least improves things a bit. To be fair, bedtime Thursday night wasn't easy-peasy, so we're not confident how this will go. We'll have to see, but we need to do something.

(While I was typing this part of the post, the phone rang. It was Mr. Romney calling to ask for my vote. The one downside of our Cambridge "home" phone working here is that we still get the political calls from both parties for all candidates. However, we aren't unhappy about missing the election ads! I received my absentee ballot via email today. I will be completing the ballot and making my vote count!)

While on the Emek, the WK and I went to the post office to mail some letters and buy some stamps. In case you are interested, it's 6.30 shekels (just over $1.50) to mail a letter to the States. As one would expect at post offices everywhere, there was a long line, and we had to take numbers. When we arrived, number 31 was being helped, and we were 38. We waited about 20 minutes. When we had done what we needed and left the post office, people had taken numbers past 50.

The WK and I then took the #13 bus to Lev Talpiyot Mall for the WK's turn to play Mini Extreme Golf on the roof top. Aside from a frum (religious) couple who seemed to be on a date, there was no one else on the course. When we were leaving though, a birthday party group came in with lots of kids. We were glad we had finished. We had a great time, and the WK creamed me by about 10 strokes. No holes in one, though, so the CK was thrilled that he was the only one to accomplish that! After golf, the WK and I headed to the stores in the mall to look for some stuff. We found what we wanted, and the dira now has a DVD player and some kitchen supplies. I'm psyched about the DVD player - I think that we'll use it to give the boys down-time and to see some movies. (We brought around 15 DVDs from the States in case we had access to a DVD player.)

Thanks to those who let me know more about Daniel Gordis, the author of the book I am reading. I've been informed that he and his family do live in Jerusalem (or at least they were still living here over the summer), that he has a blog about life in Jerusalem (to which I am going to subscribe) and that he has a new book out about Israel. I have about 100 pages left in the book. I have found myself dog-earring a bunch of pages. Looks like I will be buying a copy to return to the Shir Chadash library!

Some other random things:

When I was on the bus this morning, the driver pulled over at a bus stop where there was a girl, maybe 11 or 12 years old, flagging the bus down. As the girl got on the bus, the driver said to her (in Hebrew, of course), "It's my job to stop at the bus station. You shouldn't be in the street; it's not safe." Not sure why that struck me as funny, but it did.

I took this picture in the Rami Levy grocery store, at the end-cap between the "personal items" and "baby supplies" aisles:

This cracked me up! I've never seen kippot (skullcaps that men typically wear when praying) at a grocery store before. Only in Israel, I guess!

I've already started another blog post with some more thoughts on daily life in Israel, and I hope to post it before Shabbat begins tonight. If not, I will post tomorrow night when Shabbat ends. Actually, please note that tomorrow night is the end of Daylight Savings Time in Israel, so we'll be 6 hours behind the East Coast (until DST ends in the States). Daylight Savings Time has traditionally ended in Israel before Yom Kippur, a day of fasting on which Jews seek atonement for their sins. Although the Yom Kippur fast lasts 25 hours no matter what (from 18 minutes before sunset until 42 minutes after sunset the following day), supposedly, the fast feels easier when it ends earlier in the day. At least that's the rationale. For a couple of years (I think that's how long it's been), there has been a bill in the Israeli Knesset (Parliament) to have DST last until early November, but the bill's progress keeps being stalled. There are some who say that DST shouldn't be decided based on "religious" factors, another example of the "conflict" between the religious and secular in Israel.

An auspicious start to the New Year?

L'shana tova! Our new year started out with a bang. Well, less like a bang and more like a bad sprain and a case of hives.

At Shir Chadash on Monday (the 1st day Rosh Hashana), the CK was outside the synagogue playing ball with Gideon (the Australian-American-Canadian-Israeli whom the WK had met at Moshava Park). Gideon threw the ball to the CK, who somehow seriously jammed his thumb on his right hand. (Hmm, maybe they should have been inside at services instead of playing ball in the courtyard?!) The CK was in a lot of pain and his hand/thumb were swollen. We put ice on it and gave him something for the pain. Yesterday (Tuesday), it didn't look any better and the CK was very uncomfortable. At the end of Tuesday's Rosh Hashana services, Scott, one of the congregants with whom we were chatting, said, "I'm a doctor. I can take a look at it." While Scott was examining the CK, he commented, "Well, I'm a chiropractor, not really a doctor, but I think you need to get this x-ray ed."

So, back to the Terem Clinic (where I had been on Friday with the WK and his weird bug bite/sting), the CK and I went first thing this morning. Interestingly, the Terem Clinic doesn't open until 9 am, but when we arrived at 8:40, the doors were open and there was already a line. The nurse took the CK's vitals, and then we waited for the physician who examined the CK's hand/thumb and ordered x-rays. The x-ray did not show any fracture, which is good. They wrapped the CK's hand in an ace bandage and told him not to use it for the next few days. If the CK still has any pain after 3 or 4 days, the doctor instructed him to see an orthopaedist in case there is a break that didn't show up on the x-ray.

The CK was not happy when we left the Clinic, partially because the bandage was kind of uncomfortable but more so because I told him he had to go to school for the rest of the day. The CK cried and refused to go. If we let him "stay home a day or two, to get used to the bandage" the CK promised to go to school. Despite his complaints, we took a taxi from the Clinic to the Szold School. The CK was crying as I basically dragged him by his wrist (on the hand that didn't have the bandage) past the security gate and down the stairs. It was not a pretty sight, and we (the CK and I) both felt awful.

As we walked from the stairs to the school campus, many of the older kids from the 5th and 6th grade came over to the CK to ask what was wrong. Several gathered around him, put their arms on his shoulder, and asked, "Mah kahrah? Ahtah bseder?" (What happened? Are you OK?). It was actually very sweet. I think, however, that the CK was a bit embarrassed by the attention because he thought the bandage "looked stupid." and because he was crying. The CK asked me (or, rather I should say, pleaded with me) to let him see the WK before going to class, and I acquiesced. Poor guy had already had a crappy day; if seeing his brother would help a little, I wasn't going to say no. The WK was having class in the library and came out to the hallway. It was very sweet to watch the two boys together. The WK offered the CK an invisible stuffie (a squid stuffed animal), so that the CK could have something "to hold" during the day. The CK accepted the invisible squid and thanked his older brother. They hugged and agreed to meet at the end of the day to walk home together. (Later today, when I asked the CK about the invisible squid, he reported that he and the WK have been "exchanging" who has the invisible squid each day, depending on who needed it the most.) The CK was sobbing again when I left him with his teacher Meital.

Oh yeah, and the hives! At the end of services on the 2nd day of Rosh Hashana, the CK came to the women's side to say hello and to show me the candy in his mouth because he knew it was my favorite Israeli candy, a kind of fruit taffy. When I asked the CK where he had gotten the candy, he said it was from the "Candy Man" on the men's side. So we wandered over to the "Candy Man" to thank him (and, I must admit, to ask for a piece for me!). The Candy Man's name is Alan Lurie, who made aliyah many years ago from Johannesburg, South Africa via Sidney, Australia. Alan invited our family to his house to join him and his wife (Lori Lurie, try saying that three times fast!) for lunch. (More on the lunch later.) There were 2-3 dogs at Alan's house, and the CK immediately went over to play with them, despite our urging him not to do so. He actually didn't have any reaction to the dogs for the first 60-90 minutes we were there, so we thought maybe his episode Friday night (with Sheleg, the dog) had been a fluke. But then, suddenly, there were lots of splotchy hives on the CK's face. I left immediately with the CK, and the hives were already dissipating by the time we reached our dira.

For now, we are going to assume the CK is allergic to dogs. We spoke to his pediatrician who instructed us to carry an Epi-Pen in case the CK has an anaphalactic reaction. When we return to the States, we'll see an allergist and take it from there. (I booked his appointment today for early January - I was okay waiting the four months before the allergist had an opening!) For now, we'll try to keep him away from dogs while we are in Israel. The CK is miserable about that; he loves animals, especially dogs. (His favorite book series is "The Puppy Place" about a family who fosters dogs until they are adopted. We shipped a dozen of the books to Israel.) The CK was crying last night that he won't be able to "l'latef" (pet) the dogs in Israel anymore. This afternoon, whenever the CK saw a dog, he kept saying, "I am sad" and had a mournful look on his face.

When I spoke to a girlfriend in the States about the CK's last few days and the start of our Rosh Hashana, she said maybe it means that we have all of the bad stuff out of the way for the year! Here's hoping!!

As I find myself writing again and again in this blog, I do think life in Israel will get easier for the boys, but I still feel terribly about how hard all of this seems to be on them, especially the CK. Several times this afternoon, the CK said, "I want to turn back the clock before we came to Israel." And, tonight in the bathtub, he said, "I want to turn the clock back so far that you and Abba never even had the thought to come to Israel." And, I admit I feel frustrated that they feel this way. I know it's very hard, and we do try to do whatever we can to make it easier, but the complaining and crying about school (the CK) and the willfulness they (especially the WK) have shown in terms of doing what we ask has grown tiring for Pentheus and me. The situation then makes it even harder for Pentheus to get work done in the dira, which stresses him out, which, in turn, stresses me out. Full disclosure: I've had a bad cold the past few days, so maybe tonight isn't the best to time to write this part of the blog posting.

Rosh Hashana itself was okay. We did not go to services on Sunday night, but had a quiet family dinner at home. It really was nice, and the 4 of us had a good time. As Pentheus commented to me later, it was "like money in the bank" to have a good experience and make a good memory for the family in Israel. Pentheus had made panko chicken, which was great though not quite as good as it is in Cambridge. (Pentheus thinks the garlic powder in Israel is different than in the States and that it had something to do with his first time using this oven.) Monday lunch was also at home, and we had lunch meats. We had invited the daughter of our friends in Cambridge to dinner, but she stopped by at 4:30 that afternoon to tell us she couldn't make it as her program had scheduled a dinner for the program participants. We convinced her to stay for "dessert before dinner" and had cake/tea and cold drinks in the afternoon. It's always lovely to spend time with her. Monday night we had the prepared foods that we had ordered from Grill Plus, a yummy take-out place near us. We had chicken with apricots and plums; szechuan beef; broccoli; cauliflower; and rice. Because of the holiday, we also had challah at every meal. Yum! We had leftovers of all dishes tonight for dinner.

As I wrote above, we were invited to the Lurie household yesterday to lunch. Their house is gorgeous and very big. There were around 50 of us, all sitting at tables in the beautiful Jerusalem stone "meerpesset"   (porch), adjacent to the spacious living room and huge kitchen. There was a lot of food, served buffet style, with several different types of chicken, stuffed-cabbage-meat (without the cabbage part), many salads and starches (rice, quinoa, etc.), wine (lots of wine), and challah. At the end of lunch and before dessert was served, Alan went around the tables and had each person state his/her name, where s/he was born, and whether s/he thought Abraham or Isaac had shown more faith in G-d during the "ahkehdah." (The "ahkehdah" refers to the "binding" of Isaac as Abraham prepared to sacrifice him as G-d had commanded him to do. We read from this part of the Torah on Rosh Hashanah.)

Although I learned a lot thinking about the answers and reasons the other guests offered to the Abraham-Isaac question (by the way, it was about 50-50, I think), I was more intrigued by the birthplaces. Many were from Toronto and various places in New York/New Jersey, but others were from San Antonio, Georgia (the one in Russia, not the one in the US), Melbourne, and Philadelphia. Almost all of the guests, except for us, had made aliyah. One middle-aged man had just made aliyah last Thursday, another man moved here 10 days earlier, and the 11-year old boy sitting next to us had made aliyah 3 weeks ago.

Speaking of aliyah, I am reading a very interesting book.

I hesitated to write about this for fear of freaking out our parents (and ourselves, actually), but Home to Stay by Daniel Gordis, really has drawn me in. It's a chronicle of one American family who comes to Israel for a one-year sabbatical in July 1998 and ends up making aliyah. Many of Gordis's vignettes about the family's first 4-7 months are eerily similar to what I have written in this blog (e.g., Gordis requests contributions for his children's therapy funds; he searches for access to gas masks even though they are not yet Israeli citizens; he comments how much more independent his children are; he notices how few Israeli soldiers are present as compared to the earlier times he had been in Israel, and many more). Many of the feelings he describes resonate with me as he works through being a Zionist and his reasons to leave America. Part of his book deals with the intifada and post-Oslo meltdown, which absolutely add a different dimension to his story. I'm only about a hundred pages in so far. (I assume that he and his family still live in Israel - I will have to check on that!)

When I showed Pentheus the book, he laughed a little and asked what had made me choose this particular book. I told him I had wanted a break from praying on the women's side at Rosh Hashana services, and had seen it on one of the many bookshelves at Shir Chadash. To be honest, I don't see us making aliyah for a bunch of reasons, but I still think it is important that we are here. A couple of weeks ago, over the phone, my father asked if we were "enjoying" Israel. Before answering, I paused for a moment and asked Pentheus what he thought. We both agreed that while we're not sure we're "enjoying" it as much as we had hoped we would on a daily basis, we are very glad we are here, just a little less so on days like today.

A few days' catch up

It's been a few days since I wrote in the blog, and I guess I have a lot to say. I should warn all readers, though, that I am in a grumpy mood. I didn't feel well yesterday and had some difficulty sleeping last night. Plus, when I went to do my typical Friday morning errands, I had very little luck and couldn't find most of what I needed.

 

I'm sure part of my crankiness has to do with the CK and his "adjustment" to school. Every morning (except for today), the CK has either cried or screamed (and a couple of time times both) about how he refuses to go to school and how we can't make him. By the time Pentheus or I are ready to leave him at school, the CK has usually calmed down. At the end of every day, when we ask the CK how the day went, his answer is always "Awesome." Hopefully it's just a matter of his getting used to this. The CK is definitely happier in 1st grade than in 2nd, so we'll take it. I must admit, though, that I fear the CK will backslide over the next few weeks. Because of Rosh Hashanah, today (Friday) is the last day of school until next Wednesday. Then the boys are off again from Erev Yom Kippur until after the holidays of Sukkot and Simchat Torah (from Tuesday 9/25-Wednesday 10/10). We are worried he'll get used to being out of school and with us, especially because my Dad and sister will be visiting. We'll have to take it slowly - le'at, le'at.

 

On Tuesday afternoon, I took the boys to the Museum for Islamic Art. The museum was almost empty except for a few other people. We had a great time. That night at dinner, we went "around the table" and each said 2 things that we liked about the museum. My favorite part was the movie, "An Introduction to Islam." The WK had requested I bring drawing paper and pencils, and he sketched freehand a fish axe head from the weapons exhibit.

 

 

The museum security guard was very surprised to see the WK pull out paper and pencil to start the sketch. He stood over the WK while he drew and made suggestions (in Hebrew) to the CK about corrections he should make.

 

Not to be outdone, of course, the CK decided he had to draw something, too, so the CK sketched one of the earrings from the jewelry exhibit and then a whole bunch of 3D shapes.

 

 

 

 

At school yesterday, all of the classes went to the "chorshah" (orchard or grove) a couple of blocks away. I assumed they were going to the chorshah because of Rosh Hashana, maybe something about apple picking or whatever. Who knows? Apparently, though, it was "International Clean-Up Day" and the entire school went to the chorshah to pick up garbage. (An email about it went out to all of the parents, but I guess we weren't on the email list. I gave Cheli both Pentheus's and my email address this morning, so hopefully we'll get things from now on.) The CK was excited about going to the chorshah (even if it were to pick up trash) because the 1st graders were buddied up with the 6th graders, and that was a lot of fun.

 

Unfortunately, while the WK was at the chorshah with his class, he was stung or bitten by a bug ("it was black and flew away" is what we were told), and he now has a swollen lower calf. (**Note I stopped writing at this point on Friday. It's now Saturday night and I am picking up where I left off.) When it looked worse on Friday morning, we decided to take the WK to the doctor. While we were sure that it would be OK, we didn't want Shabbat and then Rosh Hashana to start without having someone look at it. The doctor examined the WK and determined he may have some sort of secondary infection from the bite/sting. She prescribed an antibiotic and 2 anti-histamines. The clinic experience was great, I have to say. From the time the WK and I called a cab, went to the clinic, were seen by the doctor, got the prescription filled at the pharmacy and took a taxi back to the dira, it was about an hour and a half. By mid-day today, his leg was clearly much better. The WK will stay on the prescription for another 4 days.

 

For those of you who are interested in the health care aspect of this, we used the health insurance that we purchased for the family while we are here. The insurance was $1.40/day per person with a total of around $900 total. We paid nothing for the clinic appointment and about $22 for the medicines (including the prescription).

 

Yesterday we paid the semester "fee" for the boys' English program at school. Technically it's not a "fee" because you aren't required to pay it. However, it is assumed that everyone who can afford it makes a "contribution" of 875 shekels twice a year per child. That's a total of about $220 a semester (from Aug-Jan and Feb-June). The money pays for the salary of the English teacher (Judith) who works especially with those kids who are registered with her. I think it's 2-3 hours a week of additional time, but I'm not totally sure because the CK spends more time with her (actually learning some Hebrew, too) than the WK does. It's well worth the contribution as far as we are concerned. Not only are the boys happy that they have time with the English teacher and access to English books, but it really is a boost for them to feel like there is something at which they are excelling at school. I know I've written it before, but I can't imagine how hard it is for the boys to be at school 6 days a week, basically all in Hebrew. Talk about out of their comfort zone!

 

While on the topic of the boys, I was talking on the phone to a girlfriend from the States and was telling her that it's hard to parent the boys in this type of environment. I mean, the typical stuff like not hitting each other and going to bed on time is the same as in Cambridge. However, with respect to being in Israel and recognizing how difficult it must be for the boys, I can't tell whether we are being too lenient or too strict. Maybe it's a bit of both. Sometimes when the boys are acting out, I'm either too patient with them and let them get away with things or I blow up because they are being so difficult. I guess I need to remind myself that even if we do get into routines and things settle down, the reality is that we are not in Cambridge and it's going to be different here. I wish though that I could act more in moderation than I feel like I have been. It's also been verfy difficultg for Pentheus to get work done here because he doesn't have much solitary time to concentrate. We're hoping things feel easier for all of us.

 

A quick funny story: I was at the grocery store buying cold cuts for us to have for Shabbat lunch today. There must be 40 different types of cold cuts - each with different names in Hebrew and different packaging, and none that are clearly labeled (at least not in English!) as to what they are. I know what the boys like of what we have had before, but the grocery was out of those meats. When I can't figure something out, I end up resorting to the Hebrew-English translator on my phone. I typed in what the meat said in Hebrew and pushed the "Translate" button and there appeared the translation: "Repayment bathroom"! I still don't know what meat it was, but I bought something else...

 

For Shabbat dinner last night, we had been invited to the house of a family who had made aliyah 3 years ago. They had been members of our synagogue in Cambridge before they moved to Israel. They live in Baaka about a 15 minute walk from our dira. The WK said he wanted to go, but we walked more slowly because of his ankle. The family has a new small dog named Sheleg ("snow" in Hebrew), and the CK was psyched to spend time with Sheleg. (Truth be told, he was much more interested in meeting Sheleg than spending time with people whom he didn't remember from Cambridge anyway.) While we had a lovely time at their house, we had to leave fairly early and quite abruptly as the CK had some sort of allergic reaction to the dog. He had been playing with Sheleg and started sneezing. Then he started sneezing some more and his nose was running. Although the CK was pretty unhappy, he was hanging in there until his eyes started itching, hurting and watering up. We were hoping we could at least make it through dessert, but when the CK started having red blotches on his face, we made our exit. It was a bummer, of course, that the CK felt so terribly, but we were also bummed that we had to leave a lovely evening. It was clearly an allergic reaction because by the time we walked home, he was feeling a bit better and was 100% by this morning. 

 

We went to Shir Chadash synagogue this morning. Services go much more quickly here than in the States. The service starts at 9 am, and by 11:15 am, they are done, and that includes the sermon. The boys were very excited because today there was a sponsored kiddush recognizing the yarhzeit (anniversary) of the death of one of the member's father. The fact that kiddush was sponsored meant great food! They had cake and cookies, plus grape and mango juice, as well as some other treats.

 

Mid-afternoon, my friend, Jessie, came over to the dira with her husband and 2 of her 3 kids. When I was in Israel on Young Judaea Year Course  in 1985-1986, Jessie was one of my roommates. We have stayed in touch over the years and we saw her in Jerusalem when we were here on vacation in 2010. Her 9-year old twins played with the CK and WK and had a great time! They had a full blown "milchemet kahreet" (pillow fight!) and it was good to see the boys laughing and having fun. To be honest, it was also nice for me to spend time with a long-time friend; I definitely miss my friends and social circle in the States!

 

Jessie is the Executive Director of B'Tselem, the Israeli Information Center for Human Rights in the Occupied Territories (http://www.btselem.org/). When people in Israel ask me if I have any friends or family here, I answer that I have no family in Israel, but that I have a few friends, most originally from Young Judaea, who have made aliyah. It's interesting because when I tell people about Jessie and her role at B'Tselem, there's often a negative response. One mid-20's man (who made aliyah from NY) whom we know stated that Jessie would probably label him a "war criminal" because of his role in the Israeli Army as a counter-intelligence officer in the territories. Others have accused B'Tselem of being anti-semitic and anti-Zionist. Pretty strong reactions. Now I am more careful to "know my audience" before I say more than just that I have a few friends here.

 

At around 4 pm this afternoon, someone knocked on our door. It was Gideon, the boy that the WK had met at the park (at whose family's house we had Shabbat lunch last week), who wanted to know if the boys could go to the park. The boys were happy that Gideon had come by and the three of them went to the park for a couple of hours. While they were gone, Pentheus and I took Shabbat naps - yay!

 

Then tonight after Shabbat ended, the CK's teacher in Cambridge called. She and Pentheus spoke for about 45 minutes to set a plan for the CK while in Israel to make sure that he doesn't fall behind. The teacher and the CK spoke for 10 minutes or so, and the CK was excited to answer all of his teacher's questions about how things are going. His teacher is going to give his Math book, some worksheets from other classes and his curricula to my Dad to bring to Israel next month. I need to get my act in gear to work with the WK's teacher in the same way.  

 

Tomorrow night starts Rosh Hashana, so tomorrow will likely be busy preparing for that. We've invited our friends' daughter who is in Israel on the Nativ Program to dinner Monday night, but aside from that, it will just be the 4 of us for all of the holiday meals. I must admit that it's lonely being away from our family and friends for the holiday. As I wrote in my last blog positing, the holidays feel different in Israel, and while we're very excited to be here for them, we feel far away from those we love most.

 

For those of you who celebrate the Jewish holidays, we wish you "l'shana tova umetookah" (a good and sweet year)!

Observations, Parents' Night, and Day 2 in Grade 1

The Jewish holiday of Rosh Hashana, the Jewish new year, begins this Sunday night. (On the Hebrew calendar, "days" start at sundown.) It's amazing to me how often I hear and see reminders of Rosh Hashana in Jerusalem. It's everywhere - clerks at the grocery store wish me "L'shana tova" (Happy new year) as I sign the credit card receipt; there are huge signs, announcing Rosh Hashana sales, on the sides of city buses; and everything in school is geared toward the celebration. The anticipation is almost palpable. I remarked to Pentheus that I now know what it feels like to be Christian in December! It's very strange to be Jewish and to be in the majority. I certainly didn't have that in Kentucky or Cambridge.

It's quite hot in Jerusalem. It's been in the mid-to-upper 80's and humid for the past few days. Still, it's definitely more comfortable than the upper 90's of the last few weeks. (It's supposed to climb up to 97 again this weekend.) I realized this morning that except for some drizzle once, there hasn't been any rain in Jerusalem since we arrived almost 5 weeks ago. At night, I can definitely tell it's cooler - I love nights in Jerusalem. It's great to walk in the evening, and we keep the windows open while we sleep.

As an aside, I can't for the life of me figure out why most Israelis don't have screens in the windows. Of all the homes and dirot we've been in so far, only the Canadian couple who made aliyah (Pentheus's friends on Makor Chaim Street) has had window screens. The mosquitoes are terrible, especially when it is super hot. I think I could make a fortune opening up a window screen store here.

(Speaking of windows, I still have not heard back from the window store that was supposed to send someone to install the replacement window locks so that we can close the windows when it gets cold. I went to the store early last week, and the woman promised she would be in touch with me. I called today but had to leave a voicemail message. Argh - it shouldn't be this hard!)

Parents' Night was good. While I didn't come close to understanding everything, I was pretty excited by how much Hebrew I did understand. (And, believe me, these people were talking fast!) The evening started with Cheli (the principal) talking to parents of the upper grades (4th-6th). Cheli spoke about how the beginning of the year was hectic with renovations to the school, the addition of the kindergarten building, and, of course, the visit by the Prime Minister, Education Minister and the Mayor of Jerusalem. It was evident that all of the "tseveht" (staff) had worked many hours to prepare for the start of the year. Cheli then moved on to goals for the year. Most were similar to goals of all schools, but Cheli noted that they are looking to build a greater sense of community in Katamon. The community would include all of the public elementary schools (the religious and secular) as well as the high schools, plus other aspects of the community like elder housing facilities and businesses.

I then moved on to the WK's classroom where his teacher (Yael) met with other parents in the class. Again, much of what Yael said was what we would hear in Cambridge - no cellphones in class (over half of the kids in his 5th grade have cellphones), no birthday party conversations in class unless all students are invited, emphasis on both education and values, etc. I had to laugh when Yael talked about classes on Friday. She practically begged the parents to send the kids to school on Fridays. I guess because the school day is shorter (8:05-11:45) and because there is school on Sunday, that there is a tendency to pull kids out on Fridays to start the weekend.

At one point, Yael opened up the floor to questions and comments from the parents. A bunch of parents complained that the kids had too much homework. They requested that Yael coordinate with the other teachers (Math, Science, Arabic, etc.), so that the kids didn't have to bring home everything every night. Because the WK isn't really doing homework (or using textbooks) in some of the classes, we haven't hat that issue. However, I have seen the other kids in his class hauling unbelievably heavy backpacks.

One parent said that her son had told her there was a "dohveir ahngleet" (English-speaker) in the class, and could Yael please comment on that. When Yael looked at me, I spoke up and said that I was the mother of the English speaker. I told them we were here until the end of December, and that I had heard that their kids had been very friendly and helpful to the CK. A mother said she had heard nice things about the WK, and I appreciated knowing that.

Then there was a whole conversation about the English teacher. (Note: this was about the general English teacher who teaches all of the kids English as part of the school curriculum. Judith, the English teacher of whom I have written is separate. Judith was hired by a separate group of parents to work with only the highest level of student and the English speakers. We pay a separate fee for Judith.) At any rate, the parents were complaining that the general English teacher couldn't manage the classroom, wasn't good with the students and had left crying a couple of times. Other parents said they thought the issue was with the problematic kids in the class and that it wasn't really her fault. I don't know which the case is, but at that point, our neighbor (the one who is the head of the English program with Judith) asked me whether she could volunteer my assistance in English studies. I, of course, agreed to do so, and I think the plan will be that I will do some one-on--one or small group English studies with the kids. We'll see what happens.

After the meeting with Yael was done, I went to the other building to meet with the CK's teacher, Meital, and the other parents in his class. (Yes, it was a looooong evening - 6:45 until after 10 pm.) Meital told the parents that despite the pleading by the 1st graders, there would be no homework assigned for the kids. I remember when the CK used to beg for homework, especially when the WK had some to do, so I thought that was pretty funny. Meital also pleaded with the parents not to let the kids bring cellphones to school - for 1st graders! (That explains why the CK has been asking for one, too. That also explains why my answer has continued to be "no"!)

Every Friday, there is chocolate cake in Meital's class, and the families take turns signing up to bring the cake. It was very funny because Meital kept emphasizing that it can only be plain chocolate cake - not marble, not with whipped cream, not with any sprinkles, etc. Meital said she can't go through the craziness of each kid complaining that he got more or she had extra frosting or whatever. I was surprised; I would have thought Israelis would live by the, ""You get what you get and you don't get upset" Rule!

Meital also went through the list of school supplies that her 1st graders need. Meital is very specific in terms of colors of notebooks. For Math, he needs a red and a "plain" notebook with grid lines. For the other subjects, the CK needs blue, white, yellow and green notebooks. Needless to say, I need to make yet another trip to the store to buy some items because neither of the 2 different packages of 5 notebooks that we have now includes all 4 of those colors. After the boys have all the things they need for school,, I will still have 7-10 notebooks (sea green, purple, orange and red) if anyone is interested!

Today went okay for the CK. For the first day since he's started school, there were absolutely no tears or complaints. He did request a couple of extra hugs, but went into his classroom fairly confidently. When I picked them up today, the CK told me he had a good day. While I am obviously happy to hear that, I know that today was a short day and that the CK was with Judith the English teacher for almost 3 hours. I mentioned to the CK this evening that we thought he would be going to Hadaas's class for Math (i.e., with the other 2nd graders), the CK screamed that we couldn't make him go back there. I wonder if the CK is embarrassed to see his 2nd grade classmates again, especially after he cried every day he was there. Regardless, we have to find a way to get him to go to school every day and, ideally, learn what he can learn. I hope tomorrow goes okay. This is hard and wearing on all of us.

"Keetah Alef" (1st grade)

There was no mantra this morning while getting dressed and breakfasted (yes, that is a verb), and there were no complaints on the way to school. When we arrived at school this morning, Pentheus and the CK went into his 2nd grade class to get his materials. While I waited outside, two kids came up to me to say "bohker tov" (good morning). When I replied, one of the little girls asked me why the CK was leaving the 2nd grade. I explained in Hebrew that because the CK can't speak Hebrew very well yet and there are some English speaking kids in the 1st grade, that we thought it would be easier for him. I also said that we appreciated how nice they had been to the CK in wanting to help him out. I wanted to make sure she (and any of the kids whom she would tell what I had said) understood that it wasn't because they had done anything wrong or whatever. The CK and I went over to Hadaas but I was unable to prod the CK into saying thank you to her for everything. Hadaas said she knew the CK was thanking her even if he didn't actually say it. Hadaas also told the CK that he can come to her if he needs anything. I think that the CK is still going to be with Hadaas for Math class. Plus, because there are 3 1st grade classes and only 1 2nd grade class, they end up doing a lot of things together.

So then it was off to first grade (Keetah Alef)! Two of the 1st grade classrooms are in a different building than the 2nd grade and the remaining 1st grade. The CK put his school stuff down in his new classroom and we went outside to talk to Meital, his teacher. Meital was very sweet with the CK and said she would do what she could to make sure the CK was okay. Meital then introduced me to Yagel (the other English speaker in the CK's class) and Yagel's mother. Yagel's family moved to Israel from LA a couple of years ago, and Yagel speaks both Hebrew and English. Yagel seemed to be having a difficult time separating from him Mom, too, but I am not sure if that was for show or whether he's been like this every day. The CK stated that he wasn't staying at school and started walking to the other side of the school. When I called to him, the CK returned but I could tell he was nervous. He wanted a couple of extra hugs from me and then I left. (Everyone says it's easier for the both the child and parent if the parent just leaves. I agree totally with that, although it feels pretty crummy walking away.) I heard Yagel's mom saying to him in English, "See, the CK is going into the classroom. You can go in with him." Kind of amusing that the CK was the "model" for appropriate behavior!

When I picked the boys up from school, I asked the CK how his day had been. His response: "Awesome." He had played "Eesh Tahleeah" (Hangman!) in Hebrew and the CK had "guessed" the answer before being hung. The answer was, "Shalom, Keetah Alef!" (Hello, 1st grade!). The CK was excited. Meital later told me that when the CK answered the Hangman correctly, all of the other kids in the class shouted, "Hu m'dabear eevreet!" (He speaks Hebrew!)
When I spoke to Judith (the English teacher) at the end of the day, she told me that the CK had a good day, but mainly at the end. Apparently, the CK hadn't told me that he left his classroom a couple of times without telling Meital, and people had to go look for him. Judith suggested I talk to Meital. So, while the boys were playing soccer after school, I met with Meital, who said the morning had been hard but that by the end of the day, things were great. Meital told me that she told the CK both in English and Hebrew, to make sure he understood, that "hu chayav" (he must) not leave the class without asking to do so, and that "hu chayav" stay in class during lessons. The CK took it okay (i.e., wasn't crying when Meital spoke to him) and understood. Later, I spoke to the CK about it and repeated what Meital had said. I was very clear that we expected him to stay in class and only leave when Meital has said he can. I guess we'll see how tomorrow goes.

Tonight is the boys' Parents' Night at the school, and I am going to that. Pentheus took the boys to a street fair on Emek Refaim, which will probably be more fun. When the WK's teacher called last week to tell me about Parents' Night, I asked her in Hebrew whether it would be worthwhile for me to attend. Yael answered in Hebrew that if I could understand what she was saying on the phone, that it would most likely be worthwhile to go, and that if I didn't understand something I should ask her.

While the boys were at school, I tried to get a pedicure, but couldn't without an appointment. I now have an appointment for Wednesday morning. It's been over 7 weeks since my last pedicure!

****

I've just returned from the Parents' Night and have a lot to report. Details will have to wait until tomorrow to go in the blog. After 3+ hours of straight Hebrew, my head feels like it's going to explode! I can say that we are very impressed and appreciative that the school has done so much to integrate the boys and to help as much as possible. We are very pleased we chose the Szold School!

Mini Golf Extreme

At the end of a very tough day for the CK at school (see more below), we went miniature golfing. Excuse me, we went "extreme" miniature golfing, though I am not sure what was so extreme about it. The Mini Golf place was at the Lev Talpiyot Mall. Or, to be more precise, it was on the Lev Talpiyot Mall - right there on the roof top! We walked from school to the #13 bus stop, and the bus dropped us off right next to the mall. After the day he had, I was surprised by how positive and confident the CK was acting; it seemed like every other hole, he was exclaiming, "Oh, this is the easiest shot," "I know I can get a hole in one," or "The ball is exactly where I want it to be." For some of the holes, the CK requested "Can I have a do-over?" when he wasn't doing well and on more than a few of them, I gave the CK 5 or 6 do-overs. I wanted mini golf to be fun, not competitive or stressful, for him. The CK was thrilled (and so was I) when he got a hole in one at the 14th hole! Originally, I had wanted the WK to go with us, but I'm glad that he stayed to play soccer with friends at school. It was very nice to do something fun with just the CK.

I was planning to go with the boys to the Museum of Islamic Art this afternoon, but it closes at 3 pm on Sunday and Monday. The boys don't get out of school until 2:20, so that wasn't going to work. I looked on an awesome website "funinjerusalem.com" and saw that mini golf was an option.  I think we are going to go to the Museum on Tuesday. It is a short walk from the school. And I definitely bookmarked the site as a favorite!

So, it was a tough school day for all of us. The CK starting the "I am not going to school" mantra almost immediately after waking up. Somehow, Pentheus corralled the CK into getting dressed and putting on his shoes, while I made breakfast and packed snacks for the boys. We left together and walked to school. The CK and I talked most of the way about things other than school, but it was clear he was not happy. Both Pentheus and I walked the CK to his building, but I said goodbye and left Pentheus to take him to his classroom. As I walked away, I could hear the screaming and crying. Almost 30 minutes later, Pentheus returned home. He said that it had been very difficult and he had finally just left the CK crying in the arms of his teacher, Hadaas.

When I went to pick the boys up from school, I was approached by Yaffa, the WK's Math teacher. Yaffa told me in Hebrew that she had spoken to the WK today about paying attention in class and participating as much as possible. Yaffa told the WK that if he had a question or didn't understand something, he could ask Uri or Rafael, or ask her. She told him she knows he is intelligent and that he can do this. He is not allowed to read books in English or put his head down. Yaffa wasn't upset or angry, and the WK accepted what she said. I told her Pentheus and I supported her 100% and thanked her for pushing him. Not surprisingly, the WK had Math homework today.

Then Hadaas came to talk to me. She told me that the CK had had a very hard day. She hoped that the CK had such a bad day because it was Sunday (i.e., the first day of the week and a long day of school). A few times, the CK had left the classroom because he was crying. At one point, Hadaas had to go look for him. She told the CK that he can't leave like that - she was worried about him, she had to stop teaching, etc. Hadaas was very understanding about it, but I know this must take a toll on her as well.

Hadaas told me that she and Judith (the English teacher) had been talking about the CK's situation, and they had a suggestion, if it were OK with Pentheus and me. They suggest that we move the CK down to the 1st grade (instead of 2nd), and it might make sense for a bunch of reasons. First of all, there are 2-3 English-speaking kids in the 1st grade, and the CK has met and talked with them. Second of all, and I think this is a biggie, in 1st grade, when kids learn Hebrew, the written and read words have vowels, but in 2nd grade, the vowels are taken away. It's kind of hard to explain, but it's much easier (for me, too!) to have the vowels there! Hadaas ended our conversation by saying that it was up to Pentheus and me (and, to some extent, the CK) what we do.

I actually think it's a pretty good idea to move the CK to 1st grade for the reasons above. I also think that even though the Math and other lessons may be at a lower level than necessary, that the overall experience would be better for him. We will have his Math curriculum from the Cambridgeport School, and the CK can work on that while he is at school. Hopefully, the CK will be able to get more out of school, both because he can understand more by being with some English speakers, and because he will have more confidence. Pentheus and I were concerned that the CK would feel like a baby or be unhappy to be "left back," but the CK thinks it's a good idea for him to go to 1st grade. In fact, when we had a "family meeting" with Pentheus, the CK, and me, I asked him if he "wanted to go to 1st grade," the CK answered, "not just go to 1st grade, but stay in 1st grade." We talked to him about our expectations (thanks for the suggestion, MAT!): We told him we didn't expect that he would understand that much that happens in class and that we didn't expect him to be fluent in Hebrew, but that we did expect him to try his best, to be respectful to teachers and other students, and to have a good attitude. We told him that when he switches classes tomorrow, he needs to be sure to tell Hadaas and the 2nd grade class thank you for how they have helped him and tried to make things easier for him. We also told him that he needs to treat us with respect, too, and that he can't throw a fit, behave in the way that he has been, or yell at us as he has been doing. The CK agreed to try, and we'll see how tomorrow goes.

After the CK and I played mini golf, we walked over to Rami Levi, the big grocery store. Because the prices at Rami Levi are so much lower than other stores, we stocked up on things we eat and use all of the time. We had too many bags of groceries to take on the bus, so the CK and I took a cab back to the dira. I chatted with the cab driver, and he was asking what we're doing here and how long we will be in Israel. I told him the same spiel we tell everyone, and he asked how it was going. I told him things were going fairly well but that, understandably, the kids, especially the younger one, were having a hard time at school. I told him how the CK had told me I was the worst mother in the world this morning. The cab driver laughed and said it would all be OK. The cab driver thinks that we'll go back to the States and that the CK will want to return to live in Israel. He thinks that the day the CK starts his mandatory army service in Israel, he will thank me for pushing him when he was younger and that I am the best mother ever. We'll see how that turns out!

On a different note, I took this picture about a block from the kids' school:

Yonatan (Yoni for short) Netanyahu was the older brother of (now Prime Minister) Benjamin Netanyahu. In July 1976, an Air France flight was hijacked and diverted to land at Entebbe Airport in Uganda. An Israeli commando unit, led by Yonatan Netanyahu, raided Entebbe to free the hostages (only Jews and Israelis at this point, as other hostages had been let go). One hundred of the hostages (out of 103 held) were freed, and the only commando killed was Yoni. This sign confers the area "Yoni Square" in memory of his death. As you may remember, Prime Minister Netanyahu attended the Szold School, as the family lived in the area. For more info on the Entebbe Raid :(http://militaryhistory.about.com/od/battleswars1900s/p/entebbe.htm)

As an aside, the top line in Hebrew is with vowels and reads "Keekar Yoni." The second line in smaller letters has no vowels. The third line is in Arabic, and the final line is in English. Both Hebrew and Arabic are the official languages of Israel, with English being the "unofficial" third language.

I am not the worst mother ever

even if the CK thinks I am. Suffice it to say that this morning did not go smoothly.

"I think we are going to be friends."

Last night, candle lighting for Shabbat in Jerusalem was at 6:20 pm. At around 4:15, I was on the phone with a close friend in Cambridge. This friend is one whom we can (and often do) call last minute for Shabbat meals or other plans. It goes both ways - they can (and do) call us last minute as well. While I was on the phone, "the Israel phone" (the phone we use to make and receive calls within Israel) rang. Pentheus answered the Israel phone, and all I heard him say was that he would have me call back shortly. The Israel call was from the mother of the Australian-Canadian-American-Israeli boy (Gideon) whom the WK met at the Moshava Park. Apparently, Gideon had told his mother (Olamit) about our family, and Olamit was calling to invite us to Shabbat lunch the following day. Olamit apologized repeatedly for calling so late, but admitted that she's kind of always like that - doing things at the last minute. I told her how I had just been on the phone with a friend with whom we could make last minute plans, and not to worry about it. I accepted the invitation and asked what we could bring. Olamit said we needn't bring anything, so I said we would bring a couple of bottles of wine. After I hung up with Olamit around 4;45, Pentheus and I talked about how kind it was for Olamit to invite us; after all, she knows nothing about us except that her 12 year-old son met some American kids at the park. We talked about how although certainly it was very kind, it is a bit unusual to invite strangers over last minute. At around 4:55, the Israel phone rang again. It was Olamit calling to ask if we had any challah to bring to lunch, as she didn't have any and now all of the stores were closed. (At around 2 or 2:30 pm on Fridays, almost all of the stores in Jerusalem close to prepare for the Sabbath. I laughed and said that we could. When Olamit asked why I laughed, I reminded her about my earlier conversation with my friend in Cambridge. Olamit commented, "I think we are going to be friends."

So, this afternoon we went to Gideon's house to Shabbat lunch. The family was lovely and very interesting. Olamit is originally from Melbourne, Australia where her father is a prominent rabbi (http://www.laiblwolf.com/press/bio.php). Olamit made aliyah to Israel 6 years ago after stints in Canada and Teaneck, NJ. The Australian community in Jerusalem is quite close, and Olamit had invited 2-3 other Australian families to lunch as well. You can't believe the amount of food that Olamit had made for a "last minute" meal for 13 people: gefilte fish, Israeli salad, quinoa salad, egg salad, and tahini with challah as first course; followed by schnitzel (sort of a flattened breaded chicken), tongue, chicken and vegetable kabobs, and corned beef as main courses; plus wine, soft drinks and scotch. Add to that the fact that Olamit and her family had just moved to this dira from Northern Israel 10 days ago!

Lunch was very nice, and we enjoyed meeting and talking with Gideon's family and the company. After dessert was served, Gideon's older brother (in 11th grade now) asked when the U.S. elections were. We told him early November, and his next question was, "Who are you voting for?" It's very different in Israel in terms of asking people questions like that (and other questions like "How much money do you make?" "How much did you pay for your house?", etc.). Few things in Israel are private. Before we had a chance to answer the voting question, there was a long, heated discussion about Obama and his position on Israel. They felt very strongly that Obama has been and, if elected, will continue to be terrible for Israel. They were upset that Obama would not formally state that Jerusalem is the capital of Israel, that Obama had only visited Israel once before he was elected in 2008, that Obama was not strong enough on Iran, etc. Everyone who spoke argued from facts, not rhetoric, and I learned a lot about every action any recent U.S. president has ever taken with respect to Israel.

They repeatedly said that it's easy to be in the United States and to be idealistic about Israel and peace in the region, but that the vision American Jews have about Israel is "a pipe dream" that will never be. According to them, the reality is that there will never be peace between Israel and her neighbors, and that if Israel wants to exist, it has to do what it needs to do to protect itself, including bombing Iranian nuclear facilties. One of the men kept saying, "You really believe that there can be peace, mate? You really think Israel doesn't have to act like this to survive?" Olamit leaned over to me at one point and said that her parents (and the parents of one of the other families) were children of Holocaust survivors, and that fact totally informed their political opinions: "the issues are black and white. If you are a Jew, you're a Jew and you do everything you can to support the Jewish state and nothing less."

The conversation was fascinating to me, and for once, I just listened as everyone yelled back and forth. What was funny was that as soon as the political discussion stopped, everyone went right back to the other conversations about weather, school, upcoming Jewish holidays, etc. The group kept telling us that it's the Australian way to argue like that, and that it's good to hear and voice different opinions.

On a totally unrelated note, remember the car that had the English graffiti "Israel loves Iran" on it? Yesterday, I walked by that same car. The "Israel loves Iran" is still there, but now "N'kee ohtee!" ("Clean me!") in Hebrew is written right next to it.

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote about Israeli drivers and how terrible they are. We've made a few other observations related to driving in Israel. First, there seem to be an unbelievable amount of student drivers on the Jerusalem roads. The student drivers have the Hebrew letter "lamed" (for the Hebrew word "lohmehd" which means "learner" or "student") in a highlighted box atop the car, similar to what a taxicab might have. We see the "lamed" cars all the time, at all hours of the day. Frequently, we see the "lamed" cars on Shabbat; the student driver is a female Arab woman, wearing her hijab.

I think Israelis know how unsafely they drive. By far, the most common bumper sticker we see is this:

which means, "Watch your distance." Tailgating is a huge problem, especially because everyone drives so fast!

I believe I have also written about the "agallah" (sort of a backpack on wheels) that many pull to and from the grocery stores.

The WK has mentioned on numerous occasions how embarrassed he is when I'm with him and have the agallah. The WK always asks if he can walk ahead of me, or whether I can leave it outside the school building if I have it when I go to his classroom. Yesterday, when I walked the boys to school, I had the agallah so that I could go shopping for food to eat on Shabbat. Per usual, the WK requested I not walk too close to him, so that no-one would think he was associated with the woman pulling the agallah. However, the CK requested to pull the agallah, The request surprised me, considering the CK typically does whatever his older brother does. As the CK pulled the agallah, he volunteered that he wanted to pull it because it reminded him "of the suitcases we have with wheels, the ones we'll be taking back to Cambridge when we leave Israel." Hmm, I fear that doesn't bode well for school tomorrow morning. We'll see.