The Bar Mitzvah - Part II

I am sitting on the airplane on the way back from Istanbul to Boston, and thought I might catch up on the blog. However, when I turned on the iPad to write, I found myself reading the last entries that I drafted on the iPad in August 2014. It seems crazy that it was 8 months ago that I wrote those entries. I had written about Dad's recent death and how much it hurt to grieve. I had also written that I had learned from Mom's death 6 1/2 years ago, that grieving was a process and that I wouldn't always feel as terrible as I did in those first few days and weeks.

Looking back over the time since Dad died, I know again that I was right: Every day *isn't* as terrible as the first few days and weeks. I still miss Dad incredibly and think about him daily, but there are also times when something happens and I can hear Dad laughing or I can picture him at the kitchen table doing the crossword puzzle or watching TV with my boys. At the WK's Bar Mitzvah, I could almost imagine Dad's being there beaming at the WK and getting choked up with tears when the WK finished his Haftarah. But, of course, I could only "almost imagine" him there because I feel his absence constantly. Funny, I just realized that in my post from a couple of days ago, I wrote that I *could* feel Mom and Dad's presence at the Bar Mitzvah; yet I also feel their absence. I guess that's how it is. 

This seems like a good time to go back to writing in the blog about our visit in Israel. I believe I had left off after Shabbat dinner Friday night. Saturday morning we all woke up and prepared to go to synagogue for the WK's Bar Mitzvah with the Shir Hadash community and our friends and family. Pentheus, the boys, and I left the dira around 8:25 to walk to the synagogue. We had a lot of things to carry - more candy to throw at the WK, the WK's tallis and bag, 4.4 pounds of gummy candies to serve at the kiddush, my high-heeled shoes that I didn't want to wear when we walked uphill to the synagogue, and some other things. We arrived just as services were starting, and Pentheus, the WK, and the CK went to sit in the men's section, which for Shabbat was at the front of the room, with the mechitzah behind them, and the women's section behind the mechitzah. (Certainly not the way I would have wanted it, but this was the set up for Shabbat services at Shir Hadash.) I made sure to sit in the front row of the women's section, so that I had the clearest line of sight to the bima, and saved a few seats for the guests who had come from out of town (country!) for the event.

 

The service was good, and the WK read both sections from the Torah and the entire Haftarah magnificently. The WK actually read more on Shabbat than he had read on Thursday morning, and it was great! Rabbi Pear spoke for a little bit before the second part of the service about how wonderful it was that the WK had asked to celebrate with the Shir Hadash community, and how great it was to have our family and friends there.

Following the service, Pentheus and I hosted a luncheon for our guests and the Pear family. It was really a lot of fun. The hard work and stress about details were over; the only things left to do were to eat some good food and spend time with the people we love most. We had a "kids' table" for my boys, my friend Jessie's boys (Remember Jessie? She was one of my roommates my first time in Israel in 1985 and moved to Israel almost 20 years ago. We spent a lot of time together when we were in Israel in 2012 and again in August when the WK and I were in Israel. Earlier this year, Jessie had left her position as Executive Director of B'tselem, and she is now doing a fellowship at Hebrew University on human rights.), and the Pear children; the kids ate pretty quickly and then the boys left the luncheon to run around the synagogue and play games. I so much enjoyed being able to talk to people and not worrying about what was next. Rabbi Pear used his "weakness/privilege" (his words, not mine) as a rabbi to speak for a few minutes about his thoughts on the parsha (portion of the Torah) and how he believes it related to the WK and our family. His words about our family were very kind. He spoke about how we recognize and appreciate the little things that make us happy (like gummy candies) as well as the big moments (like Sam's Bar Mitzvah), and what a great thing it is to be able to do that, especially in our world where there are many negative and broken things. Rabbi Pear even plugged this blog, which works for me!

After lunch, we said goodbye to the Pear family and most of our friends who were there to celebrate with us. Although it was difficult to leave my parents' friends who had come in from Lexington, KY, I will see them in a few weeks at the unveiling of the gravestone for my father where Dad and Mom are buried. We were unbelievably touched that they were with us for the WK's Bar Mitzvah.

We walked back to the dira after leaving the synagogue, and my sister and bro-in-law moved from our dira to the hotel in Jerusalem where they stayed for a few more days before returning to the States. The boys then decided they wanted to go to the park again to play soccer. When we had the dira to ourselves, Pentheus and I napped. (I am a good napper if you haven't figured that out yet.) We were totally out for several hours because the next thing I heard was someone saying, "The door's unlocked. Should we go in?" and then someone else saying, "Do you think they are home? Where are they?" My two girlfriends who had come to Israel for the Bar Mitzvah had come to the dira to hang with us. (We had totally invited them and expected them - we had just figured we would be awake before they came!) We spent the next several hours with them, and when the boys came home, we all had dinner together. There were lots of leftovers, and we had a good meal. I said goodbye to my friends around 10:00, and it was difficult because I am not sure when I will next see them. I know it was fabulous to be with them and we had a wonderful time together.

After my friends left, we cleared the table from dinner and cleaned up a bit. We packed most of our things in our suitcases to prepare for going to Tel Aviv on Sunday morning. Our friend from whom we had rented the dira (he's a member of Shir Hadash) had given us the name of a taxi driver to call to take us to Tel Aviv. I called him, but he was already driving someone to the Dead Sea on Sunday morning. He told us to call him on Sunday when we were ready to leave and that he would find a friend of his to drive us. Sunday morning we finished packing, took care of some things in the dira, and called the driver. Sure enough, 10 minutes later there was a taxi in front of the dira ready to take us to Tel Aviv. I don't know that we ever found out his name, but the drive was uneventful. We arrived at the Tel Aviv dira we had rented around 1:30.